I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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