idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
