I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
