decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Vodka?
Forever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
