Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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