The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
