just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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