just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
