I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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