He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
