he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
