he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
