I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
