I think I can smell my own vagina right now
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
