yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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