Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
