saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
