why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
