And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
