The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
