one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
