Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
