You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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