After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
