My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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