Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
