Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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