i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
