he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
