Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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