I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
