Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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