Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
