It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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