oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
