Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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