I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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