I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
