I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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