apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
