I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My bed smells like the plague
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
