whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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