Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
