I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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