this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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