so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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