so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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