haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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