Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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