thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
