dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
